Bring Retreat Rhythms into Daily Rhythms

Last summer I celebrated 15 years of pastoral ministry at my parish. Looking back on things that have sustained and strengthened me through those years, I notice that retreats have been both instrumental and vital, both for my own spiritual life and my spiritual leadership within a parish. I’ve attended silent retreats with others on a numerous occasions, but most of the retreats I take these days happen in complete solitude.

There’s one reason I prefer total solitude: rhythm. When my daily life has taken on arrhythmia, I need a restored rhythm for my soul. Read more

A Good Life, A Good Death

A reflection on 2 Maccabees 6…

Eleazar was in trouble. Eleazar was an old man, a scribe, a person who held a high position and was respected among the Jews. And, he was living at a time when ”the king sent an Athenian senator to compel the Jews to forsake the laws of their ancestors and no longer live by the laws of God…”(v1) Eleazar was being required to eat “swine’s flesh” upon threat of death.

Among the oppressors were those sympathetic to Eleazar. They encouraged him to stash a little of his own meat in his pockets and only pretend to eat the pork, but really eat his own meat. In this way he could avoid being executed. But Eleazar was a man of integrity.

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When Feelings Fail, Lift Up Your Heart Anyway

After four weeks of teaching Anglican worship, I opened the floor for questions among our group. I expected questions on topics such as the liturgical calendar, the sign of the cross, and symbols in worship. Then I saw one more hand with a question, not about Anglican tradition, but about the heart. “How am I supposed to take communion on the days when I don’t feel anything?”

Asking that question took courage, and my sister articulated a question and experience for many believers. Is it dishonest to sing joyfully or pray holy words when you feel no emotion within?

Emotions are as predictable as the wind. The instability of one’s emotions raises the question of authentic worship. Can worship be authentic when you feel dead inside? Is it hypocritical to pray when you feel hollow within?

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Reclaiming God’s Compassion Within

There’s a refrain that persists throughout the forty days of Lent: ‘The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.’ Each morning, the Book of Common Prayer offers this sentence prior to the psalms to worship the Lord with psalms. These brief sentences, or preces, change with the liturgical seasons. When Easter Day arrives, there will be a new refrain for the new season. But for the season of Lent, this sentence means to shape heart, mind, and soul with the gentleness of God in the midst of our failures and sin.

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Redeeming Self-Care

Self-care has become quite the buzzword in recent years, hasn’t it? In a culture where exhaustion and burnout have become commonplace, it’s encouraging that more people are recognizing their limits as human beings. Greater attention to the care of body, mind, soul, and spirit is well in order in our time. Unhealthy habits among adults has led to greater anxiety, stress, depression, and panic attacks. Those unhealthy habits have been passed down to younger generations, too. From 2008-2018, anxiety symptoms doubled among the population of 18-25 year olds. Self-care is a timely, needed intervention in the midst of these worrying patterns.
But what ought self-care to look like as a disciple of Jesus? How can self-care contribute to one’s spiritual formation and one’s calling to serve others in the Kingdom of God?

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Useful Confusion

I do not like feeling confused. 

So much in the world confuses me. If I listed the things I find confusing, it  would take a lot of words and a lot of time. I find that exceedingly  uncomfortable. Experiencing confusion makes me fearful and sad, even  angry. Confusion can feel oppressive; it can chase me into a corner so that I  feel desperate. I most definitely do not think of confusion as a positive  thing, so you’ll understand my surprise when I came across the suggestion  that confusion could be useful. 

I was reading St. Gregory the Great’s The Book of Pastoral Rule when a  phrase he used jumped out and slapped me in the face. St. Gregory referred  to a “useful confusion,” and I got stuck. 

Useful confusion. What? 

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The Burning Bush

The daily office reading from the Old Testament today is Exodus 3, the story about Moses and the Burning Bush. I have read it many times, heard it many times, probably heard sermons preached about it many times. This morning I was struck by the wording, and I had to stop at the very beginning.

Moses, tending sheep for his father-in-law, Jethro, leads the sheep “beyond the wilderness.” And then he arrives at the “Mountain of God”.

Beyond the wilderness. That means he went into the wilderness and kept moving through it until he got beyond it and that is where God called him. The burning bush came beyond the wilderness.

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Physician, Heal Thyself

I am both a spiritual director and a spiritual directee, a giver and receiver of direction.  “Why,” you might ask “does a spiritual director need a spiritual director?”  Doesn’t the old adage “Physician, heal thyself” apply?  No, in fact, it doesn’t.  Another saying is much nearer the mark:  a lawyer who defends himself has a fool for a client.  A spiritual director who directs himself…well, there is no need to finish the statement because self-direction is, quite simply, practically impossible.  Why so?

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Spiritual Renewal for the Dog Days of Summer

This post originally appeared on KnoxPriest

Summer seems to be two seasons in one. One really should distinguish between Summer I and Summer II, for they are vastly different, both in the weather of the world and the weather of the soul. Beginning on Memorial Day weekend and ending around the Fourth of July (or that great midsummer American tradition, the Major League All Star Game), Summer I gives no few occasions to find joy in God’s beautiful world.

The perennials I planted in April are behaving just as I planned. Foxgloves and delphinium bloom and brighten our garden, transforming winter’s drabness into early summer’s pastel warmth. It is a pleasure to be outside in these early summer days. The oppressive allergens have waned a bit after spring’s rainfall. Goodbye Flonase, hello evening walks. Fireflies appear for the first time in the year in these cool summer evenings. Cicadas announce their return, too, but their hum only seems a faint echo.

When Summer II comes, all has changed. Or all seems lost. In these late July days, I resent the incessant thrumming of these obnoxious cicadas. I now wish them a swift death so I can sleep. My plants have gone to seed or burnt to crispy ends, fireflies are in retreat, and I have no desire to be outside after 8 a.m. My lawn and garden beds are evidence that creation truly is cursed with thorns and thistles—and privet, crabgrass, and Virginia creeper. Summer evenings can only be enjoyed outdoors in spurts of 20-30 minutes thanks to the ubiquity of mosquitoes. The praise, joy, and thanksgiving of Summer I has collapsed into curmudgeonly grumbling and listlessness of Summer II. With a long stretch until Summer II ends around Labor Day, it seems the goal of these dog days of summer is simply to survive the heat. These dog days are truly a no man’s land in our calendar.

The No Man’s Land of Ordinary Time

It can be difficult to maintain spiritual focus this time of year. The weather of the world, not to mention vacations, change our rhythms and routines in this summer season. The dog days of summer can be dog days in one’s spiritual life as well. New Year’s Resolution are probably a distant memory. The spiritual disciplines of Lent, which give so much focus and space for spiritual growth, concluded with Easter Sunday and [the Great Fifty Days]. But the dog days of summer are some 100 days or more removed from those Lenten days of devotion. The longest season of the church year—Ordinary Time—coincides with summer. Without a major feast day or focus for the season, Ordinary Time can feel like a no man’s land in the Christian calendar.

But Ordinary Time and the dog days of summer need not be a season of listlessness. In fact, this time of year can be a season for spiritual renewal, even with the limitations we sense in the weather of the heart and the world. Ordinary Time and the dog days of summer can be a season of embracing our limits and practicing the wisdom of small beginnings.

Embracing Limits as a Way of Spiritual Renewal

When I look at my garden beds in these summer days, I’m tempted to despair. I see the potential of what could be—garden spaces that are well-planted, well-maintained, and ‘pleasing to the eye. But all I see this time of year are weeds. And vines. And stumps. And unfinished projects from my springtime plans and resolutions. I still have a vision for transforming this small landscape, yet I don’t acknowledge my limits of time, energy, and the weather patterns around me. Ironically, it’s not the limits themselves that delay my progress. It’s the illusion that I have limitless resources to transform these garden spaces.

Gardening, especially in the dog days of summer, reveals my naiveté, my impatience, and my resistance of limits. Few things in this world reveal my hubris like God’s humus. In late July and the scorching days of August, I’m confronted by my humanity when I look upon weedy gardens and sprawling vines. And this point I have two options: 1) sulk in discouragement from the overwhelming amount of unfinished work or 2) find a small space and start weeding.

As with the landscape of the home, so also with the landscape of there heart. There is always work to be done in one’s inner life to conform our lives into the likeness of Christ. But our vision for spiritual growth or healing usually encompasses more work than we can handle.

Even still Christ promised us his yoke is easy and his burden is light. Yet when we seek to renew our spiritual lives, we often take on heavy burdens by setting unrealistic goals, ignoring the limitations within our lives—our time, energy, and the variable weather of heart and life. Instead, we would be wise to accept our limits and renew our spiritual life with one or two spiritual disciplines—the Daily Office, praying the psalms, or practicing solitude.

The Wisdom of Small Beginnings

Taking the first step in spiritual renewal is always difficult. But one real action is better than a dozen resolutions. Making resolutions, plans, and lofty goals for renewing our spiritual life don’t matter unless we take the concrete steps in doing the discipline themselves. It is reading the Bible that actually stirs my hunger to read more of God’s Word. It is the experience of Christ in solitude that reveals my hunger for his presence. I simply have to begin.

In the tradition of Desert Fathers and Mothers, we have examples and stories of saints who understood the wisdom and power of small beginnings, practiced in the arid and stifling landscapes of the desert wilderness.

In one example, a distressed monk sought to renew his spiritual life, but couldn’t begin because he was depressed by the amount of interior work he needed to do. He was advised to visit an elder monk who told him the following story:

There was a man who had a plot of land; but it got neglected and turned into waste ground, full of weeds and brambles. So he said to his son, ‘Go and weed the ground.’ The son went off to weed it, saw all the brambles and despaired. He said to himself, ‘How long will it take before I have uprooted and reclaimed all that?’ So he lay down and went to sleep for several days. His (spiritual) father came to see how he was getting on and found he had done nothing at all. ‘Why have you done nothing?’ he said. The son replied, ‘Father, when I started to look at this and saw how many weeds and brambles there were, I was so depressed that I could do nothing but lie down on the ground.’ His father said, ‘Child, just go over the surface of the plot every day and you will make some progress.’ So he did, and before long the whole plot was weeded. The same is true for you, brother: work just a little bit without getting discouraged and God by his grace will re-establish you.'[Rowan Williams, Silence and Honey Cakes: The Wisdom of the Desert, 88.]

Such is the paradox of the spiritual life. The more I accept my limits, the more promptly I begin good spiritual work, God blesses my small beginnings with the help of his Holy Spirit. “Always we begin again” St. Benedict said in his Holy Rule. And these dog days of summer might just be the ideal time to begin again with the God who sustains us in all seasons.